Goodbye, Mr Donaldson

'Some people make the world a better place just by being in it.'

(Anonymous)

Today, we said goodbye to Mr Donaldson. He joined our school as a temporary member of support staff just three months ago but we couldn't keep him longer because the money wasn't there. However, in that time, he has made more impact than I thought was possible.

We held a surprise special assembly for him yesterday: without referring to Mr D, I showed the children the quote at the top of this post: 'Some people make the world a better place just by being in it.' I asked the children what kind of person that might be - they astonished me with the depth and breadth of their answers: caring, responsible, trustworthy, generous, honest, irresistible...! The list went on and on.

I then explained that, even though Mr Donaldson was leaving, he had made such a difference in such a short space of time - and almost without being noticed. How did he do this?

Mr Donaldson is one of those people who sees a need and does his best to meet it without bringing attention to his actions or disrupting proceedings. In the classroom, whilst the teacher is teaching, he will casually and unobtrusively advise a distracted child to focus. Whilst circulating, he talks to the children in an amiable way about themselves and their learning, giving respect and expecting it in return. He will identify the struggling child and give that child whatever he or she needs in order to experience success, be it his own time with the child - or additional resources to aid their learning. He doesn't need to be told what to do or who to support - he has an intuitive response which provides a life-line to the child and is a life-saver for the teacher. He has a unique, laid-back, off-hand manner which is disarming to children but which, at the same time, engages them and demands they do their best. How does he achieve this with individuals who cause teachers to despair of ever making a difference?

Mr Donaldson is relational. He is intuitive. He is resourceful. And he is focused.

Mr Donaldson builds relationships with children which enable him to see into their lives. He builds knowledge about their experiences and their needs. And he builds scaffolding to help children learn and behave - and to manage their learning and behaviour. But it's the relationship that makes the difference.

Relationships are at the core of human experience - and building relationships is a fundamental requirement for success in any field of human activity. Without good relationships, progress stalls and opportunities are missed; good relationships make for good solutions. Good relationships build trust, they build cohesion, they build bridges. Good relationships keep things in perspective: mole-hills remain as mole-hills and crises are managed in such a way as to minimise turbulence and dampen after-shocks.

I have only met one other member of support staff quite like Mr Donaldson - another quiet and unassuming man who made an impact just by being there. It makes me realise what a difference one person can make: people like me need people like them.

Goodbye, Mr Donaldson.

And thank you for making my world a better place...

Phil

Put your words to work

'Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.'

Martin Luther King

During a week when many have been remembering the life and achievements of Martin Luther King, it is a great opportunity to inspire young minds about the power of persuasion.

Children, in particular, respond passionately to issues of fairness and justice. You only have to tell them the story of Martin Luther King and they respond with an outraged, 'That's not fair!' However, what inspires me most is when children themselves become inspired by King's 'I have a dream' speech and write their own 'I have a dream' statements. It reminds us big people of the real potential and possibility for change.

However, as Sam Biddle reminds us in his Gizmodo blog, entitled, 'Twitter doesn't make you Martin Luther King', celebrating King is a 'good time to remember that change takes actual doing.' He finishes with the pithy statement: 'Fauxtivism is worse than nothing — it trivializes the issue, mistakes gesture for action—and makes you feel good when you haven't accomplished a thing.'

In an age when social networking has completely changed the way we communicate, network, write and even think, it is all too easy to post well-worn platitudes on a blog, wall or timeline: they may sound good and they may make us feel good sharing them: we might even believe that, by 'sharing' inspiring words, we are doing our bit to change the world. I have to admit that my own Twitter bio actually includes the phrase 'changing the world one thought at a time'.

The fact is that, as Sam Biddle correctly points out, change doesn't happen just because someone spouts a few words, nor does it happen because those words go viral. Change happens because someone put those words to work. Martin Luther King worked tirelessly to promote his ideals - persistently advocating non-violent protest against segregation and racial discrimination. His strategies involved non-violent campaigns and marches, which were strongly influenced by his admiration of Mohandas Gandhi's satyagraha principles.

Joel Barker once said, 'Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.'

Similarly, a biblical writer penned the words: 'Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.' (James 2v17)

King had vision and faith in abundance, yes, but he also put it to work. His faith fed his dissatisfaction, which spurred his vision, which prompted his actions. King was focused and on fire. No one can claim to be an armchair protestor - you need to get up and get out.

So, are you walking in King's footsteps and, if so what are you doing to promote and continue world-changing behaviour?

Personally, I need to challenge myself daily by asking myself: 'Is what I devote myself to serving me or serving the world?' Am I doing what I want to do or am I doing what the world needs me to do?

Thanks for dropping by - feel free to comment and to contribute your own thoughts on this.

And, please - do hold me accountable and come back to ask how I'm doing: we all need a gentle reminder to jog our social conscience.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

Martin Luther King (Washington, 1963)

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious in bite-size chunks

Question: 'How do you eat a whole elephant?'

(Answer below.)

Yet again, I was called on to lead a school assembly at short notice this week. Something about others being absent and me available, I think.

We are continuing our theme of 'Going for Goals' and I really wanted to impress upon the children the importance of tackling goals in the right way: try and achieve a mammoth task all at once and you're soon likely to drop out and give up.

Most of the children know the song 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious' from the Mary Poppins musical but not all of them find the word easy to say, let alone sing. So I chose a child - a willing volunteer who admitted that she didn't find the word easy to pronounce. And, yes, on first attempt, it was clear that that was indeed the case.

But what if you break the word up - like so:

SUPERCALI

FRAGILISTIC

EXPIALI

DOCIOUS.

The slightly nervous child agreed to try the smaller 'words' in turn - and succeeded quite handsomely.

On hiding the bottom word, 'docious', she repeated the task - successfully once again.

Having eventually hidden all four parts of the word in question, she then attempted the entire word, putting all four parts together. It isn't difficult to see that this approach enabled her to achieve what she previously found difficult.

On asking the children what they thought enabled her success, they volunteered the following:

- breaking the task into smaller parts

- practise

- trying

and one that I hadn't expected:

- encouragement.

Just how many people either give up on their goals through lack of will - or don't even make a stab at making their achievement of them a reality? A goal is nothing without a strike of some description: but I don't think there should be a limit to the number of strikes allowed. I mean, it's not as if every golfer gets a hole-in-one, is it?

In school, I've talked about 'steps to success': the small steps you make in lessons to achieve the learning. Follow them carefully, and you're almost guaranteed success.

I recall a camping trip once with a bunch of 9- and 10-year-olds.

We had the opportunity to use a rope swing but the children found it very difficult to swing successfully from the starting block to the landing pad. So we introduced and discussed relevant 'steps to success' in order to achieve a successful swing and landing. They went something like this:

a) hold the rope tightly at a position above your head

b) lean back

c) jump forward and pull your feet up

d) let your feet down as soon as you reach the landing pad

e) jump onto the landing pad and let go of the rope before you start to swing back again.

Without exception, every child achieved success on the rope swing when they followed these steps - and I managed to improve my own performance as well. Within that experience, they all knew the small steps they had to take, they practised, they persevered and, joy of joy, they encouraged each other and celebrated each other's achievements.

I've got the 'superfragilisticexpialidocious' word stuck up in my classroom now: I hope it inspires the kids and me to take on more and not to underestimate our abilities or potential.

You can only change the world one step at a time....

If you have anything to add to this discussion, please leave a comment.

Phil

(and the answer to the elephant question? 'Elephant burgers.')

Feel the fear and do it anyway

Most Saturday nights, our family sit down with a pizza and dvd. Our kids take turns choosing a dvd and we all have a great time - except that, more often than not, I fall asleep and get told off by my daughter. One film we have watched several times and through which I haven't fallen asleep is 'A Cinderella Story', a comedic take on the popular fairy-tale. The reason is not just because it's actually an entertaining yarn but there is an inspiring thread that runs through the story - based on a quote on Sam's dad's diner wall:

'Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.'

Sam's fear in the story is palpable: she wants the best but feels she is unworthy, unattractive and un-noticed. Fortunately, she has an ally in Rhonda, who has total belief in Sam.


Fear can be crippling, debilitating, paralyzing - it's power is such that it can make us deny our true ability, talent and potential. Fear makes us doubt ourselves and our prospects. Fear makes us anticipate the worst by asking questions like, 'What if... happened?' when, in fact, we should be asking 'Why not...?' and saying, 'So what if... happens?'


I am currently in a temporary contract, having always been in permanent employment. An opportunity for promotion has come up in my place of work and the job description is very closely aligned to where I want to be. However, that dark devil called Doubt has sown seeds in my mind which have sprouted into full-blown fear: What if I apply and don't even get an interview? What if I get the job and it turns out to be a millstone round my neck? What if the organisation I work for goes for a dive? What if my boss turns out to be a control freak and I become trapped? What if...?


Alternatively, I could become freelance and run my own business... but (!) What if I get it completely wrong and no one buys into my services? What if I'm not as good as I thought I was? What if it fails to take off and we have to sell our home and lose everything? What if...?


So what! What if the worst did happen? In my near half-century of experience called 'life', I have been through some hell-ish situations and I'm still here: stronger, wiser - and still fighting. So what if stuff happens?! Feel the fear and do it anyway, said Susan Jeffers.


An acronym for fear that I came across a while ago describes the truth about fear pretty well:

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real.

The anticipation of 'what might be' is false evidence: the real 'real' is who you are - not what happens to you.


Robert H. Schuller said, 'If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been.'


Lucille Ball wrote: 'I would rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done.'


And Mark Twain fanously penned the words, 'Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.'


Clearly, fear is not only a well-written subject but also a well-worn emotion and one that we all must face.
So what am I doing to combat my fears?

1. I talk to trusted friends about my fears. One such friend told me, 'You have to apply for that job.' (Thanks, Jon!) So I will.
2. I argue against my fears. I AM an experienced and skilful professional. I KNOW I'm good and, actually, so do plenty of others because they tell me so.
3. I accept my feelings: my fears are real but what they"re telling me is not. I'm not going to pretend I'm not afraid but neither am I going to let my fears conquer me - even if they appear to win the battle in the short term.
4. I take steps towards conquering my fears: each action I take towards achieving my goal and getting closer towards where I want to be strengthens my courage and dampens my fear. I remember the first time I delivered a seminar: before the event, I was terrified - imagining all the things that could possibly go wrong and all the reasons why I shouldn't be the one delivering the seminar. Nevertheless, I prepared well, visualised myself delivering at my best and went ahead and did it - to a great reception, thankfully.

Which brings me to my final point on this subject: you can allow fear to become your worst enemy, causing you to feel trapped and lifeless - or you can make fear your ally, using it to prepare you, caution you, strengthen you and propel you.


Face the fear and do it anyway: really - what have you to lose?


How do you face fear? What has worked well for you?


What strengthens you in the face of fear?


How have you used fear rather than allowing it to abuse you?


Leave a comment and join the conversation!


Thanks for dropping by.


Phil

Yes We Can

On Monday, at very short notice, I was asked to deliver the Monday-morning assembly to 180 Year Five and Year Six children (aged between nine and eleven).

As our current theme is 'Going for Goals', I recalled an assembly I had delivered at a previous school some time ago - involving video extracts from Barack Obama's 2008 'Yes We Can' speech and Bob the Builder singing, 'Can We Fix It?' The internet, being the tool it is, allowed me to find the videos again but, on this occasion, I also found a mash-up 'Yes We Can' video someone had made featuring both Bob and Barack. So that was the start of my assembly: Bob singing 'Can we fix it?' and Barack responding: 'Yes we can'.

The children obviously loved this but there had to be a point and this is where I introduced 'three words, three goals, three steps'.

The THREE WORDS were, you guessed it: 'Yes we can'. There really is no point in setting goals if you do not believe you can achieve them. You have to really want something AND really believe you can have it. Otherwise, disappointment and dejection set in and goal-setting becomes superficial at best - or a non-starter at worst.

The THREE GOALS - I shared mine:
Goal 1: I'm going to become fitter and healthier (that's measurable because I can see myself in the mirror) by swimming every Wednesday evening and alternating my drinks: coffee and water.
Goal 2: I'm going to plan weekly weekend activities with my kids (that's measurable because we have a family calendar - and two kids who hold me to my word).
Goal 3: I'm going to try and meet up with one of my friends every week (that's measurable because I have a diary - and friends).

Goals are more likely to be achievable if there is a rationale behind them. I hope the rationale behind mine is obvious. I asked the children in the assembly why they thought I set these goals. A child offered: 'So you can be happy when you die.' Fair enough - I couldn't better that...

I only set three goals because I really don't believe I can manage more than three at the moment. Many more and some would have dropped off by now and it's only the middle of January.

And finally, THREE STEPS: these are probably the most important of the sets of three.
Step 1: Tell someone your goals. And keep telling them. They will then hold you accountable.
Step 2: Write them down. Mine are written everywhere, including here, and, because they're written down, they're now written in my mind.
Step 3: Do something about it. A great idea is nothing without a great start. I now start each day with a mug of hot water instead of coffee and I alternate throughout the day. It's easy. And I swim on Wednesdays. Because I want to. I also talk to my kids about what we're going to do at the weekend: they have a say in it. Last weekend, however, we didn't do what we had planned because other events took over: stuff like that happens but it doesn't have to change your determination to achieve your goals. And I get in touch with friends and arrange meeting dates. Last week, I met up with a colleague and friend from a previous school - it was a life-affirming event.

At the close of the assembly, I encouraged the children to think about something they really wanted to achieve this year: goals have to start with motivation or you'll never get off the starting blocks.

And we finished by watching Bob and Barack again...


What success have you had with your goals?


How do you make your goals achievable?


Feel free to leave a comment - thanks for dropping by.


Phil

Attitude and Action

A visitor came into school this morning to talk to our ninety 9/10-year-olds about goals. He began by talking about the adventurer, John Goddard, who wrote down 127 goals at the age of 15 and, at the time of writing, has completed 109 of them by the age of 74. He also recounted the experiences and achievements of the likes of  Richard Branson and Alan Sugar and challenged the children to think about their own goals, asking them if they would like to be 'healthy, wealthy, wise and respected'. He drilled these down by suggesting hypothetical targets that you could aim for and how these might be achieved. 'How would you like to run a marathon, have £100,000 in your bank account, own a large house, a big car, gain a PhD, be a community leader, etc, etc?' All these sounded achievable to some extent and actually quite inspiring, the way he articulated it - but I just felt there was something not quite right about it and, having mulled over this for the rest of the day, I think this is what bothers me:

1. Most of us are very 'ordinary' people living quite ordinary lives, earning ordinary incomes and living in ordinary homes and doing ordinary jobs - and actually quite content with that, given that we are realistic about our expectations, our responsibilities and our dreams. I worry that hyping up goals and comparing ourselves favourably with the likes of John, Richard or Alan is a tad unrealistic and actually could do some damage to our self-esteem in the long term - and perhaps even turn us off the whole concept of goal-setting altogether as we realize the disappointment of not being of the same calibre as the aforementioned entrepreneurs. Yes, exceptional achievers are out there but they are in a minority so infinitesimally small, they are at the extreme top end of the normal distrbution curve - whilst the rest of us reside around the considerably larger bell in the middle: commonly known as the 'majority' and hovering around the 'average'. Is it really fair to raise the hopes of highly impressionable 9-year-olds and persuade them that they all - bar none - can secure staggering achievements like John, Richard and Alan? I think otherwise...

2. The word 'happy' was not mentioned once. Most people, when asked what they really, really want, will respond with a sentence containing the word 'happy', along with other values-based commodities such as 'friends', 'partner', 'family' and 'long life'. I suspect that not many really hanker after mind-boggling goals: they really just want to be happy and to be with the ones they love. A minority are exceptional and will achieve mind-boggling statistics - and be happy, too. However, if we all attempted that, many of us would fall by the wayside, decidedly unhappy, unfulfilled and utterly disappointed, having been convinced that these goals were within our reach. Happiness, on the other hand, is...

Am I completely off the mark or does the 'happiness' goal resonate with you?

By the way, this is my first attempt at blogging and is, in fact, the first step to achieving one of my (realistic!) goals for 2012. I plan to continue blogging at the rate of one blog a week. Thanks for dropping by - please come back and visit again sometime.

Please do leave a comment if you so wish: I will be delighted that readers feel able to contribute to the discussion.

Phil